Episode 6 - Assertiveness! (if that's okay with you...)

This week we’re looking at assertiveness - what it is and how we can build it in ourselves and in others.

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode six of the Leadership Today podcast. Each week we provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges. This week we’re looking at assertiveness - what it is and how we can build it in ourselves and in others.

Assertiveness is one of those areas that people often receive feedback about - “you need to become more assertive” someone helpfully tells you. However people often don't know what to do with that feedback.  What would it mean for me to be more assertive, and how do I build my assertiveness?

We often assume that being more assertive is just about being more confident, or sticking up for ourselves, or being a bit more pushy. But the key to developing assertiveness often lies in more deeply understanding the other person’s perspective. This can seem a little counterintuitive though - isn’t investing more time into understanding the other person’s perspective making us less assertive?

Well another way of thinking about assertiveness is to consider what a truly assertive conversation would look like. It wouldn’t necessarily be aggressive, or pushy, or one sided. In fact, an assertive conversation would be one where both people have their perspectives on the table, and are then actively engaged in taking things forward. 

Assertiveness isn’t about me winning and you losing - it’s about both of us understanding where the other person is coming from, and then working together on a way forward.

To help illustrate, I’d like you to picture a horizontal line. At the left end of the line is a position we could describe as ‘passive’ - where I approach the conversation 100% interested in your perspective, and 0% interested in sharing my own perspective. In the passive position, the balance of interests is completely weighted towards the other person.

At the right end of the line is a position we’ll call ‘aggressive’ - that’s where I approach the conversation with 0% interest in your perspective, and 100% invested in sharing my own perspective. In the aggressive position I’m not even listening to you, and the balance of interests is completely weighted towards my own needs. 

It’s important to recognise that neither of these positions is assertive - passive is not assertive, and aggressive is not assertive. What’s needed is a balance in the interests and needs between the two or more parties involved.

Assertiveness is about ensuring my needs and interests are 100% on the table, and that your needs and interests are also 100% on the table. It’s only in this balance that assertiveness is achieved. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean that we will agree with each other, but that’s not what assertiveness is about. Assertiveness is ensuring we’re clear on everyone’s positions and we can tackle differences as a shared problem.

Here’s an example. 

I’ve setup a regular meeting with my team that happens on the first Tuesday of every month at 2pm. I’ve set this meeting up as a priority, emphasising the importance of keeping it at the same time, and not shifting it. People can dial into the meeting, but the meeting time is going to stay at the same time every time, at least through to the end of this quarter. Things have been going well for the first couple of months, with attendance and engagement at the meetings improved. People are appreciating the meeting being kept as a priority.

Then, in the lead up to the fourth meeting, I notice that a fundraising afternoon tea has been proposed for the first Tuesday of next month at, well you guessed it, 2pm. 

In this example, a passive approach would be to cancel or reschedule my own meeting - to put my own interests at 0%, and the interests of the person organising the afternoon tea at 100%. In contrast, an aggressive approach would be to tell my team members that they’re not even allowed to attend the afternoon tea, and still hold my meeting at the same time. I’m sure you’ll agree that neither of those approaches sounds optimal.

An assertive approach would involve meeting with the person responsible for scheduling the afternoon tea. I could initially point out the clash in times, but then spend the first part of the conversation finding out more about the fundraiser and what they’re hoping to achieve. I could then share my vision for the regular meetings I’m having with my team. 

Now, in a perfect world, the other person might shift their fundraiser to another time, and I might be able to help promote the event with my team - that would be a win win. But we don’t live in a perfect world. Perhaps the person has already ordered catering for that time, or prepared flyers to hand out. Remember, assertiveness isn’t about always getting our way - it’s about getting all the information out from both perspectives. If the clash can’t be resolved, I may still choose to move the meeting time for this month. But at least I have been assertive. 

However the situation plays out, we all walk away understanding each others’ perspectives.

I hope that discussion about assertiveness was helpful. If you’re normally more towards the passive end of the line, this week you might make an additional effort to have your needs and interests tabled. And if you’re normally at the aggressive end of the line, you might want to spend more time trying to understand the other person’s perspective and how your interests may actually be aligned.

In next week's episode of the podcast we're going to be talking influencing. And if you are enjoying the podcast, remember to recommend it to your friends as well - I really appreciate it.

Episode 5 - Feedback is a Gift

Research shows that leaders typically avoid giving feedback, particularly the further away performance is from expectations. This week we look at a feedback structure that focuses on behaviour and the impact we have on others. 

TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to episode five of the Leadership Today podcast.  Each week we provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges. And this week’s leadership challenge is a doozie - it’s feedback.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression - feedback is a gift. But, let’s be honest - not every gift we give is fantastic. In my family we have a Christmas tradition which is a variation of the Kris Kringle - the difference being that there’s a $5 limit on each gift and the aim is to be as entertaining as possible - we call it the Krap Kringle (both with Ks obviously). Sure, everyone gets a gift, but most people don’t keep them for very long.

And research indicates that leaders avoid giving these gifts at work - they avoid providing feedback, and that lack of feedback actually gets worse as an individual’s performance drops off. In other words, the further your performance is away from expectations, the less likely you are to receive feedback. 

So what drives this? Well, leaders are often afraid to provide feedback - they are worried about how it will be received. But bad news doesn’t improve with age.

Typically the issue continues to build up, and there’s often a clumsy confrontation which makes everyone feel worse. 

Of course, feedback doesn’t just have to be negative. However, in the busy-ness of life we tend to also miss the opportunities to provide encouraging feedback.

In contrast, if you have ever worked in an organisation with a high-feedback culture, you’ll instantly recognise how beneficial it was to your development. At a consulting firm where I was a leader, we made a habit after every client meeting of providing feedback - taking time to talk about what went well and what could be improved for next time. At first that felt pretty confronting and awkward. People would often just say that the meeting was ‘good’ or ‘fine’. But as trust was built, the appetite for real feedback increased. In fact, aspects of my behaviour that were completely blind to me were shared - both undiscovered strengths, and often simple changes I could make to improve my impact. 

I spend much of my time now facilitating leadership programs, and this is a particularly rich feedback environment - feedback from the co-facilitator, from the clients and participants on the program as well. Sometimes that feedback can seem a little harsh. Sometimes the gift is particularly wrapped all that well. But that doesn’t mean it’s not the right gift. In fact that constant feedback has improved me a great deal and toughened me up.

So here are a few key principles to keep in mind when it comes to feedback:

1. Make it a habit - and do it close to the time - that’s where my earlier example of providing feedback straight after meetings was great - it build the habit and it was immediately after the event

2. Keep it balanced - look for the good as well as improvement - it’s all developmental feedback

3. Start by sharing your intent - if people are afraid or concerned they can’t listen - let them know that you’re on their side - are you really trying to help them, or are you wanting to hurt them? Setting that up as a habit really helps to ensure you’re doing this from the right intent

4. Stick to behaviour - it’s like watching a video tape back - what did you actually see, and what was the impact on you and on others

5. Check in later to confirm understanding - ask them to restate what their takeaway was from the feedback that you provided

William Gentry shares a really helpful feedback format in his book called “Be the Boss Everyone Wants to Work For” - I’ve provided a link to the book in the episode notes. www.amazon.com.au/Be-Boss-Everyone-Wants-Work-ebook/dp/B01E4KC0V8

The approach is called SBI, named after the three components of the feedback approach he outlines.

S stands for Situation - and in that stage you want to describe the exact moment the feedback relates to, being as specific as possible 

B is for Behaviour - what you actually observed - and again that’s like you’re watching a video of the event back and describing it

I is for Impact - this is describing the impact on you, and it can also be the impact on others if you observe that

So let’s apply that - I’d like you to compare these two versions of the same feedback:

The first version is this - “During meetings lately you have being really rude.” - so that feedback is not particularly helpful.

Now let’s compare that with using the SBI format - “(S) Yesterday at the marketing meeting when Jane started presenting, (B) you leaned back on your chair, sighed, and started to use your phone. (I) I felt disappointed that you appeared disengaged from Jane’s presentation”.

And then you want to allow the person to respond. Maybe they weren’t being rude. Or maybe they received a text that lead to their response. There are a whole host of reasons for why they may have behaved the way they did. But none of these reasons change the impact on you and on others, and that’s the important thing. You’re not trying to guess at what drove their behaviour - you’re just providing an insight into the impact they are having on others.

The SBI approach works equally well for positive feedback. For example:

• Situation - During the interaction you just had with that customer who came in with a problem

• Behaviour - I noticed how you smiled and offered a number of helpful suggestions

• Impact - the customer ended up smiling and shaking your hand, and I was really impressed.

This week I encourage you to practise feedback. Use the SBI model or similar. Try to catch people doing good things, and provide the positive feedback straight away. 

Also, ask people for feedback on you, and be specific. If you just say “can you give me feedback”, most people will say “you’re doing fine”. But if you say “can you give me feedback on how confident I’m appearing in presentations”, you’ll receive much richer feedback.

Next week we’ll be talking about assertiveness - what it is, and how we can build it in ourselves and others. I look forward to speaking with you then.

Episode 4 - Monthly 1 on 1 Meetings that Work

In this episode we explore monthly 1 on 1 meetings that work - where both the leader and their direct report turn up prepared to discuss performance, priorities, support, and development.

Performance
What is the person currently doing well?
What do you think the person needs to work on?

Priorities
What are the current priorities for this person?
What goals need to be added, removed or updated?

Manager Support
What’s getting in the way at work? 
How might this be addressed by the manager or direct report?

Training and Development
How is the development plan progressing?
What training and development experiences or programs might be beneficial?

Other
Anything else to discuss?

Action Items
Review action items from previous month
Add any new action items for the manager or direct report

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode four of the Leadership Today podcast. Each week we provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges. This week we’re looking at monthly 1 on 1 meetings that actually work.

It’s no secret - People hate performance reviews. They are one of those 'must do' activities that both managers and team members tend to dislike.

To counteract this, we often focus on the performance appraisal process and content. Making sure we look not just at results ('what' people achieve), but also 'how' the person approaches their work and interacts with customers and colleagues. We might try to gather feedback from multiple sources. We might even try to balance discussions about the year past with time to think about the year ahead. But we still tend to run into some pitfalls:

1. The appraisal becomes a high stakes 'event' which tends to add pressure on both the manager and team member

2. The manager and team member haven't had a chance to build a strong relationship, which tends to reduce the quality of feedback and the likelihood of acceptance

3. There's a lack of focus and unclear goals around the job - by the time we discover this during the annual appraisal it's too late to do anything about the year that has gone by

4. It becomes a one-way conversation with too much pressure placed on one person - who is typically the manager - to drive the process

5. Feedback isn't balanced - we either focus way too much on the positives or way too much on constructive/corrective feedback

It’s probably not surprising then that a number of high profile organisations have decided to ditch the performance review altogether. In most cases they’ve actually replaced that with more regular performance conversations, which I think is a great way to go.

You see, I think the answer is actually pretty simple. It's about having 1:1 meeting structures that make performance discussions a more frequent occurrence, and that address the issues and pitfalls that I highlighted earlier. 

I recommend scheduling monthly 1-1 meetings in calendars and ensuring they take priority over the other day-to-day issues that might come up.

The following structure for 1:1 meetings is what I've found to work with people and teams that I've managed. You might want to vary this structure, but hopefully it will provide some ideas for you to think about.

The first topic is around performance. And I have the individual prepare for that, along with myself as well as their manager. Get them to think about what they’re currently doing well, and also what they need to work on. With both people bringing that information together it’s a great opportunity to clarify performance - what’s going well, what needs to change.

The second topic is around priorities. Talking about the current priorities for the person and any goals that might need to be changed or updated. Sometimes the team member might highlight a priority the manager isn't aware of. Sometimes the manager might be able to clarify a priority that the team member isn't placing enough emphasis on. 

Another topic of conversation in those 1:1 meetings is manager support. Looking at those frustrations and the things that are getting in the way at work, and what you might be able to do as the manager to fix those or help. 

The next area is around training and development. This is a great chance to check in with the development plan - see how that’s progressing - and also think about training and development experiences or programs that might be coming up in the coming months that could be beneficial. 

I include a topic called ‘other’. Just covering anything else the person might want to discuss. And that will bring up some interesting things - maybe around work life balance, or perhaps some things that other organisations are doing. It’s good to include that to cover any other areas that might need to be discussed.

And finally action items - an opportunity to review action items from the previous month, and add any new action items for the manager and team member. 

I recommend capturing notes from each meeting to share with team members. As these notes grow through the year, they become a major input into that final performance appraisal discussion. By doing this, the annual performance appraisal becomes little more than a confirmation of what had been discussed through the year. Any areas that weren't clear had already been discussed. You will find it reduces the pressure on you and your team members. It helps you to explore career and development opportunities on a more frequent basis.

I’ve included an outline of those monthly 1-1 meetings at the leadership.today website. If you’ve found this episode helpful, remember to share it with others and to rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts. Next week we’re going to be looking at an approach to transform the way you provide feedback to others. I look forward to catching up with you then.

Episode 3 - Control and your Health

Demanding jobs can actually be a good thing for us, provided we have a sense of freedom and control. Without this control, the negative health effects are dramatic. This podcast includes two ideas for improving control.

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode three of the Leadership Today podcast. Each week we provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges. This week we’re looking at control and your health - how having demanding jobs can actually be a good thing, provided we have a sense of freedom and control.

Autonomy is recognised as one of the core motivators people have in the workplace. With greater freedom and control over the way we perform our work comes higher levels of motivation and commitment. Recent research suggests that greater job control also improves our health and reduces our likelihood of dying over a seven year period. Autonomy isn't just motivating - it might just save your life. 

We've traditionally seen stress as a killer - that high job demands have a negative impact on our health. But this research shows that this isn't always the case. In fact, job demands can sometimes help improve our health, provided we retain a sense of control over our work.

Researchers* used a Wisconsin longitudinal study to track people over a seven year period to explore the relationships between job factors and health. They looked at the impact of job demands (including workload and time pressure) and control (the freedom an individual feels they can exert over their job) on health outcomes.

For jobs where people had low control, the research showed that high job demands did indeed negatively impact health outcomes. In fact, the odds of dying over the seven year period increased by 15%. For those who did make it through the seven years, this combination led to an increase in body mass index. In short, a demanding job where you feel little control is bad for your health.

Interestingly, for jobs where people had high control, high job demands were linked to a 34% decrease in the odds of dying over the same period when compared to low demand jobs. Higher job demands actually had positive health outcomes provided people had control over their work.

These findings are similar to my own research. I looked at people who rated their job demands as high. Those who felt their job provided freedom and autonomy of how they achieve results experienced 20% lower negative stress, and 52% higher engagement than those who lacked such freedom. 

What does this all mean for leaders? Here are two ideas. 

1. Seek out and provide autonomy: We know that autonomy motivates - people love having freedom and control over their work. Seek out more freedom in your own work. Negotiate greater flexibility and build your sense of control over the work you perform. If you're a leader, provide your team with more freedom. Give them opportunities to vary the way they perform their work. Manage them around the results they produce rather than how they produce results.

2. Challenge yourself and others: Seek out greater accountability. Once you have control, it's important to ensure you are stretched and challenged. As a leader, provide your team with greater accountability alongside the greater authority you've granted. Discuss the goals people have, and vary the work to capitalise on what motivates your people.

Autonomy and challenge aren't just good for business - they're good for our health too!

*Worked to Death: The Relationships of Job Demands and Job Control with Mortality

Erik Gonzalez-Mulé, Bethany Cockburn 2016 Personnel Psychology
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/peps.12206/full

Episode 2 - Your Best Ideas

Where do you come up with your best ideas? I bet it's not at your desk. In this episode we explore the conditions that lead to our best ideas, and how we can increase the chances of us coming up with even more great ideas in the future.

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode two of the Leadership Today podcast. Each week we provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges. This week we’re looking at a question I love posing to people in leadership workshops: namely “Where do you come up with your best ideas?"

Of the many hundreds of responses I've heard, not one person has ever said "at my desk". In fact, most people tell me they have come up with their best ideas when they're not at work.

People often say their best ideas come when they're "in the shower", "going for a walk", "taking a lunch break", "drifting off to sleep", and "on holidays". What do all of these activities have in common? They're all low-stress activities with few distractions. When people come up with their best ideas they're typically in a relaxed state, not stressing about coming up with an answer or distracted by other work that requires high levels of focus. They're free to think in a different way - free to explore new ideas and approaches.

The 19th century German chemist Friedrich August Kekulé (Keh Coolie) pioneered our understanding of the chemical structure of benzene. He had been working with benzene for years, but the way the structure formed eluded him. Later in his life he recounted having a day dream where he pictured carbon atoms dancing, then forming into snakes that bit each other's tails, forming a ring. He woke from that day dream with the answer that had occupied him for so many years - the carbon atoms in benzene form a ring. Would he have come up with this solution with more time in the lab or at his desk? Maybe, or maybe not. But what a great example of how a relaxed mind can produce amazing insights where 'hard work' had failed.

Chronic stress largely destroys our ability to develop genuinely new and creative ideas. The very stress hormones that are great for focusing our minds on the 'emergency' at hand reduce our ability to take a broader perspective beyond the immediate. We end up suffering from tunnel vision.

As leaders, our emotional state is contagious. If we're constantly stressed and fire-fighting through our day, it's likely that our teams are doing exactly the same. We end up cursed to repeat the patterns of activity and thought that we've already established, missing opportunities for continuous improvement and breakthrough thinking.

This isn't to say that stress is a bad thing. In fact, stress plays a very important role in stretching us beyond our comfort zones and focusing our attention. But if these moments of stress aren't balanced by moments of recovery and relaxation, we're likely to see negative impacts - not just on the way we think, but also on our health. Chronic stress is a killer, but the combination of stress and recovery is the key to long-term effectiveness.

Here are some thoughts to help you to work more effectively and come up with new ideas:

• Build some down-time into your schedule: Make sure you take annual leave and opportunities to work from home. Start work a little later every so often, or finish earlier. Change up your routine. Take a longer lunch break and go for a walk.

• Use a notepad or the notes app on your phone to capture new ideas or thoughts: Given these ideas will come up when we least expect them, it's worth planning ahead to capture them.

• Work in 90 minute cycles followed by 10/15 minute breaks to exercise, refuel and rehydrate: Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz describe this in their book "The Power of Full Engagement". Start your day with the most important work, and take frequent breaks. This will help to keep you focused, energised and far more productive. And the best bet is that you end your day with the energy needed to be successful outside work.

• Encourage your team to do the same: As a leader, share these ideas with your team. Encourage them to experiment with their routine and day. Maybe a mid-afternoon gym session works for a team member - great! Maybe working in one hour cycles followed by a 10 minute walk works - brilliant! It requires you as the leader to get over our typical obsession with 'presenteeism' where we measure performance by the hours spent at work, to a more healthy focus on productivity.

So where do you have your best ideas? I’d love to hear from you.

As for next week’s episode - Do you want to decrease your risk of dying  in the next 7 years by 34%? I’ll be looking at the research showing a dramatic relationship between control at work and our health.

Episode 1 - Leadership Habits

Much of our leadership behaviour is driven by habits. In this episode we explore helpful and harmful leadership habits, as well as how to identify existing habits and build new ones.

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode one of the Leadership Today podcast. Each week I provide practical advice to address some of today’s biggest leadership challenges.

Today we’re going to explore leadership habits - the routines and disciplines we all have that either help or hinder our leadership impact.

The good news is that leadership is a set of skills and behaviours that we can all learn and develop. Leadership is what we do every day that helps us to achieve results through people. And psychology has taught us a lot about how to change our behaviours and to develop new skills.

So first, a question - Did you brush your teeth this morning? Well of course you did. In fact you’re extremely confident that you brushed your teeth this morning. But you may not remember doing it. 

So did you actually choose to brush your teeth this morning? That’s an interesting question. Clearly, given you did brush your teeth, you must have decided on some level to do it. But it most likely wasn’t a conscious decision. 

It’s not like you walked into the bathroom this morning and said “hmmm - brushing my teeth - do I really want to do that today? Can I spare the two minutes? Is it the best use of my time?”.

You didn’t need to consciously choose to brush your teeth this morning because it is a healthy and positive habit for you. In fact, a positive habit like this frees up some conscious attention for you to think about other priorities.

However it wasn’t always a habit - in fact, it probably took someone years to convince you to brush your teeth daily.

Habits take effort to form, but once they are formed they also take effort to change. Recent research demonstrated that people took between 20 to over 250 days to build a new habit - in fact some people even left the experiment after a year having not built a habit.

Chances are that, like me and everyone else on this planet, you also have some unhealthy and negative habits. 

I recently met someone on a leadership program who let me know that she was struggling with anxiety. It was effecting her work and her overall wellbeing, and she was clearly keen to address the issue. The next morning of the program I couldn’t help but notice as the same person walked in carrying a large, double-shot coffee and an equally large can of Red Bull - it was part of her morning ritual and routine. And it was also a negative habit. Taking close to the daily recommended amount of caffeine in one hit would induce anxiety in most people. She just didn’t connect the non-conscious habit of purchasing the same drinks every morning, with the anxiety those drinks helped to produce half an hour later. Building her awareness of that connection helped her to challenge and change that habit. But it took feedback to highlight the habit.

In the same way, we can have healthy and unhealthy leadership habits that we can identify through feedback and by paying attention to how we’re spending our time.

Some Unhealthy leadership habits that I’ve seen, include:

• Starting the day responding emails - performing those kinds of tasks that require little attention at the point when we have the most focus and energy

• Another one is not taking breaks, or eating lunch at our desk - staying glued to our desks as our attention and productivity decline

• The second shift is another unhealthy leadership habit - going home to eat dinner after a long day, then firing up the laptop for another few hours of work every night - it impacts negatively on our productivity and just wears us out

You could look at replacing unhealthy habits with healthy leadership habits, like:

• Setting aside an hour each day, uninterrupted, to get one key thing done

• Or it might be going outside for a quick walk every 90 minutes to refresh and re-energise and to rebuild our focus

• You might want to leave mindless work like emails and meetings to that mid-afternoon slump we all go through around 2pm

• Or getting into the habit of just saying ‘thank you’ when someone pays you a compliment - it makes them feel better, and it makes you feel better as well

The key to building new habits is to experiment. Try something new out - if it doesn’t work, don’t just revert back but try something else new.

You will also want to measure your results. Rate your productivity, focus, happiness - whatever you can track that can give you a sense of the impact of the new habit, and encourage you to keep going. 

This week - can I encourage you to become aware of your habits. You might want to set an alarm each hour - something that will prompt you to look back over that previous 60 minutes and diarise how you’re spending your time.

And when you’ve identified habits you want to change, or new habits you want to develop - Involve others. Their feedback and encouragement will make all the difference.

I trust you’ve found this episode on leadership habits helpful. I look forward to hearing how you go, and to sharing another leadership today podcast with you next week.